Hi, I'm a woman and I'm a Senior Pastor.

"So, are you still working at the church?"

"Yes."

"And you're part time there right?"

"Um, no, I'm very much full time. I'm the Senior Pastor."

Up until this point, this is the same conversation I've had every month when this person and I cross paths. But then she asked something new...

"Forgive me, but I'm just curious. I just don't really know how to ask this..."

"It's ok. I understand, please go ahead."

"If you're the Senior Pastor, but your husband is supposed to be the Head of the Household...how does that work?"


I get asked variations of this question quite frequently. I really don't mind, as long as I am thinking big picture. It's on days when I'm tired, overworked, feeling alone in my calling, or facing difficult situations that I forget all about the big picture and just want to scream *something*! But I've got to give her credit. This was the first time that someone had asked me so directly and really pinpointed theologically what she was struggling with. Proudly, I can say that I did not bite her honest, innocent, well-intention-ed, little head off.

"I'm going to think about that for a minute and get back to you." I said.

After we'd finished our task, an hour later I was ready to approach the subject again. Having the opportunity to talk openly and listen to one another on these important topics is something I truly feel honored to do. Many churches and many more theologians interpret scripture and it's application to daily life patterns drastically differently than what I call the "quieter Christian voices," myself included. We're not interested in shoving our interpretation into someone else's life or blaring it from the TV or radio. What we do pray for and wait patiently for is just this: An Invitation.

I've never actually considered my husband the head of our house.
Neither do I consider him my spiritual head or guide.

1 Peter 3:1-2
"Wives, in the same way, accept the authority of your husbands, so that, even if some of them do not obey the word, they may be won over without a word by their wives' conduct, when they see the purity and reverence of your lives."

Ephesians 5:22-24
"Wives, be subject to your husbands as you are to the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife just as Christ is the head of the church, the body of which he is Savior. Just as the church is subject to Christ, so also wives ought to be, in everything, to their husbands."

1 Corinthians 11:3
"But I want you to understand that Christ is the head of every man, and the husband is the head of his wife, and God is the head of Christ."

I was reminded last week by a friend that authority, respect, and relationship are earned. She used the example of how her kids don't have as deep a relationship with one set of grandparents than the other. The grandparents who spend time caring about what the kids care about, speak words of affirmation to them, and show up for things big and small are the ones they prefer. The other grandparents, through many contributing factors, don't take the same approach and therefore do not enjoy the same level of trust or authority in their grandchildren's lives.
Authority is not based upon written rules or titles held. Authority originates from relationships.

I respect and love my husband as much and more than I can possibly love any human being. He is generous, devoted to Christ and to me/kids, and makes sacrifices on small/big scales for those around him. And he is a human being. I cannot count on him to fulfill my every need; the way I can count on Christ. He cannot always soothe me, listen to me, or remind me that I am perfectly and wonderfully made; the way that Christ can. Neither can he always hold me accountable and speak difficult truths to me that I sometimes really need to hear; the way that Christ can.

Just because I've been to seminary and taken lifelong vows of Christian service as an ordained leader in the church, doesn't mean that I can do all that stuff for him all the time either. That's why...

Christ is the Head of our Household.

Context is essential.
Ephesians 5:21
"Be subject to one another out of reverence for Christ."
Ephesians 5:25...
"Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body."

There are some glaring flaws with applying these verses to every person, every culture, in every time throughout history. First, I just cannot go on without saying...consider the source. All the texts we've quoted here were written by one of two apostles: Peter or Paul. Both these men lived alongside Jesus and experienced his direct presence. Therefore I consider them authorities to impart in the best way they know how the loving sense of relationship and the nature in which Christ called the world to live. I treasure their work of building up the early church and leaving behind the words we call scripture that so strongly inform my understanding of Christ's message.
Ahem, Paul writes the most about marriage. But he never married. Ever. If he counted other traveling disciples among his closest friends, then those he spent most of his time with were not married either. (*The above sentence has been amended to include only Paul and not Peter. Thanks to my very astute colleagues for reminding me that Peter indeed had a mother-in-law.) In fact, Paul vehemently opposed marriage, basically saying that it was entirely too time consuming and weakened one's ministry. (I wouldn't change my personal decision to get married, *I love you honey!* but he does have a point there. ;)

Second, during Jesus' era women were considered property. In the same way a man owned land or livestock; he owned his wife. Property is not something that has an opinion or makes decisions. Therefore it makes sense that in Peter's or Paul's understanding women would defer to the authority of their husbands. Today, this understanding is no longer commonly held in the majority of the world. Speaking from a 21st century American perspective, women and men hold the same rights to property ownership, voting, and independent decision making. It is also no longer a given that most of men or women will get married at all. How does the husband as head of household apply to a single woman? Or to a same sex couple? Or to a man who does not marry and therefore will not lead a wife?

Ephesians 4:1-6
"I therefore, the prisoner in the Lord, beg you to lead a life worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with one another in love, making every effort to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called to the one hope of your calling, one Lord, one faith, one baptism, one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all and in all."

A female Senior Pastor may be a new or strange thing to some, but it is indeed my calling.
And as for me my house, we will serve the Lord.